Sunday, December 26, 2010

Brielle's Birth Story

So, I've been slacking on posting this because I've been basked in the love and joy of our new baby girl! Brielle Charisse was born December 18th, at 6:27 am, weighing 7 lbs 14 oz, 20 1/2 inches long. She captured our hearts the second she was born and I can't believe as of yesterday, she is now a week old. Makes me kinda sad. I just love how snuggly she is and I don't want the time to go by too fast. Anyways...on to the birth!!

As mentioned in my last post, I had my membranes stripped on Thursday the 16th, my due date. By the next day, I had kinda given up hope that it worked. It caused some strong contractions, but they had no pattern. So, I just decided to be patient and let it be. That same day, the 17th, Sean and I decided to have a movie night and junk food night. We watched 2 movies, watched 2 CSI's, and ate donuts, popcorn, red vines, fruit snakes. It was quite the evening!! So, we went to bed kinda late, at about 12:30. At 2:30, I woke up to go the bathroom. I noticed that I was having contractions, but I had been getting them a lot at night the past few weeks, so I thought nothing of it and decided to go back to bed. At 3:30, I woke up to use the bathroom again. This time when I got back into bed, I noticed they were stronger, so I decided to time them. My way of timing them would be to look at the clock when one started, fall back asleep when it was over and wake up and look at the clock when one started again. A little after 4, I realized that I had had about 3-4 really strong contractions that were 10 minutes apart. I was suppose to go in at 10 minutes because my first labor with "C" was only 7 hours, so they said this one would be fast. So, I finally decided to wake up Sean. We got up and got dressed and got our things together and I called my mom. We arrived at the hospital at about 4:45.

I got into triage and they started all their procedure stuff, which in my opinion takes way too long. When they finally checked me, I was an 8!! Whoa....I really wasn't expecting that. They asked me if I wanted an epidural. I said yes, then the nurse was like, "You don't need one, you are doing so good." Probably because I was actually talking a lot and not screaming! ha ha. But I was in the transition phase of labor because I started to shake a lot and almost threw up. Finally it was time to move me to delivery.

When we got to the delivery room, I asked for the epidural, so they had to check me again. Well, I only had a rim left, so basically I was a 10. So no epidural. At this point I didn't care. I was already in my own little world and I think my body was just ready to do what it needed to do. They waited for the rim to disappear, which wasn't long and then it was time to push. I did really well up until her head started to come out and then I almost lost it. But one of my awesome doctors, Dr. Baker, gave me a little pep talk. She said,"Sierra stop and look at me. Don't lose it now. You are doing great. The heads right here. Use the pain to push through." Thats all I needed and I got myself together and she was out with just another push and came into the world at 6:27 am! At first all I felt was relief. I almost forgot that I had just had a baby! And apparently my mom said Dr. Baker complimented me on how well I did, but I was so out of it that it took for them to hand me Brielle for me to come back to earth. But when they handed her to me, my heart melted!

The first day was an exhausted blur. Here I am, with only 3 hours of sleep, giving birth and still trying to entertain visitors. We did not sleep at all that first day. And any one who has given birth knows they don't let you sleep in the hospital, so we got outta there the next day.

We love having our little girl. Sean and I are both really in awe of her! We truly feel the blessings of our Heavenly Father in our lives! She is that sweet spirit we were waiting for and we can't wait to continue our journey as her parents!

Just a few pictures from the hospital. Trust me...there will be many more in the future!

Our little chubby cheeks snuggling with daddy!

Getting some love from mommy!

She is such a good snuggler!

Mommy and Brielle meet at last!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Happy Due Date To Me!!!

So, today is my official due date! I am actually in shock that I made it to my due date because the theory is with a second child, you go sooner. Well, not me apparently. But I'm perfectly fine with that. I want her to stay as long as she needs to be perfectly healthy. And this little girl let me finish my classes and daddy and grandma (my mom) both go on Christmas break tomorrow from work, so perfect timing. But Sean took tomorrow off JUST in case!

I went in for an appointment today. I'm 4 cm dilated. WHAT?? Thats so crazy. With "C" I was in actual labor when I was 4. But my water broke with him too. So, this experience is way different. I had my membranes stripped today. Now, I've heard some say it's painful and others say it's not. Well I have a pretty high pain tolerance and let me tell HURTS! Holy crap! But once it's done, it's done and the pain is gone. My doc said she always feels bad doing it because she knows how bad it is and she said she can almost feel the pain with the patient. Stripping the membranes is when the seperate your bag of water from your uterus. It's a natural way to start labor. IF it works, I should go into labor within 24 hours. Like I said....IF! I've been telling a lot of people that I was going to get this done and they just assumed I was going to be in the hospital right after I had it done. Nope. Some women, it never works for. So we are keeping our fingers crossed that it does work. If this little girl decides to stay put a little longer, I have an induction date set for the 23rd. BUT....we are hoping it doesn't come to that and she'll show up sooner.

I've been having some pretty strong contractions since my appointment. They are irregular but I'm hoping they will get some sort of pattern soon. I must say that just having your water break is much easier and I kinda wish that would just happen again. But keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we will have our little baby in our arms in the next 24 hours!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

One week countdown!

I can't believe this little girl is almost here! This has seriously been the quickest pregnancy. I will be 39 weeks tomorrow! Insane!

Almost 39 weeks!

This pregnancy is way different then my one with "C". Not sure if it's because of age. I was 22 when I had "C" and 27 with this one. Or because it's just a different pregnancy. I know the thing that is the most different is I'm carrying her super high compared to "C" and I can't breathe most days and would die for an oxygen tank! HAHA! Here are some of my stats as of 39 weeks.
* I'm dilated to 2.5 and 80% effaced. I just went to the doctor today and I've been the same for the last week. We are really trying hard to make it to my "new" due date, 12/16, because Sean goes on Christmas break 12/17. So keep your fingers cross that she waits a little longer!
* She moves like crazy and still loves to stick those feet in my ribs! Another thing I did not experience with "C".
*I've gained 27 lbs. I'm actually quite surprised that I haven't gained more because I feel huge! But, I'm not disappointed at all. Maybe if I'm lucky, by the time I have her, I'll be down to 25!
* Doc says she will most likely be a 7-8 lb baby. I don't know how they can tell this by feeling your belly, but that's why he's a doctor and I'm not.
* Doc says I'm not very big outward, but I'm carrying wide. Which I totally agree!
* I've been sleeping A LOT and not nesting at all. I really hope the nesting thing kicks in, but if not....oh well. I'm really trying to relax so I don't put myself in labor. But if I haven't had her by next week....I'm doing everything I can to get the show started!
* Next appointment is my due date, 12/16 and doc says he'll sweep my membranes if I haven't had her by then.
I'm actually kind of sad that the pregnancy is almost over. I feel so womanly when I'm pregnant. Even though I feel huge, I love having a belly! Sean loves my belly too! But we can't wait to meet this little girl. She really could be here any day (even though we are hoping next week).

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I am grateful for adoption

In light of National Adoption Month AND Thanksgiving, I thought I'd share some reasons why I'm so grateful for adoption.
*Adoption gave me my family. I have been so blessed. I have a family that loves me more then anything and I have had a wonderful life.
* Adoption allowed me to be sealed that family.
*Adoption taught me that family doesn't mean "flesh and blood". Family means love and support.
*Adoption has made many people love me, including my birth family.
* Adoption made it possible for 2 women to love me very much, my mother and my birth mother.I'm a lucky girl!
* Adoption taught me to put my own sons needs before my own. It was a hard lesson but well worth it.
* Adoption has taught me that I can get through anything. I have had many trials, but none harder then becoming a birth mom.
*Adoption helped me learn how much my Father in Heaven loves me.
* Adoption allowed me to become closer to my Savior.
*Adoption has given me a reason to be an advocate for something. Adoption can be a positive and beautiful option.
*Adoption has made me a better person. I'm more empathetic and have a softer heart.
*Adoption led me to where I am today.
*Adoption helped me see that in the grand scheme of things, we are ALL God's children anyways and we will all be together again someday.
*Adoption is who I am, and for that, I am grateful!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Happy Birthday.... the sweetest, kindest, smartest, most talented, sexiest man husband!! Sean turned 27 today. How grateful I am that he was born 27 years ago. He has changed my life....for the better!! I am so blessed to be his wife! I love you babe and happy birthday!

Out to dinner last night celebrating the big day!

Friday, November 5, 2010

My Story (How I chose adoption)

It's National Adoption Month again! YAY! I love blogging about adoption. But I want to set some ground rules this time. I understand that some people have had negative experiences in adoption and I'm so sorry that you have. But I have NOT had a bad experience. This is MY experience and MY story and this year I will not except rude or negative comments. They will be deleted and not responded too. That being said.......

Its National Adoption Month: How I became a birth mom

Before I went away to school at Utah State in Logan Utah, I was the "good girl". I was active in the LDS church and I tried to do everything I was suppose to. When I finally left for school, my future was very bright. I thought I'd meet a nice guy, marry, finish school and have babies. But that didn't happen. Or it didn't happen in that order.

I'm not sure how or exactly the moment that it happened, but I stopped caring. Stopped caring about how I appeared to others. Stop caring about the church I once loved so much. Stopped caring about what I was doing. I wasn't involved in anything TOO heinous, but definitely bad enough that some consequences were bound to catch up with me.

I met "S" at the beginning of the Spring 2005 semester at Utah State. Despite being inactive in my church, I knew I should stay away from him, but I didn't. I did actually try to stay away for awhile as he pursued me, but eventually I gave in. At first, things were great with him. I thought he was an ok guy. I realize now, being with him was probably the lowest I have ever been in my life. His sweet side changed and before I knew it, he was in and out of jail for dealing drugs. What had I gotten myself into! In November of 2005, he went to jail...again! I was sick of it. Sick of him. Sick of my life. I decided then that I probably needed church again. The very next day, I found out I was pregnant.

I tried to be happy. I loved "S" right? We would have this baby and get married. He would get out of jail and he would change his life around...right? I was certain of it. For a while, I tried to pretend like I wasn't really living in reality. I knew I was pregnant, but only a few people knew. Despite how I was living my life, I was still somewhat ashamed. Ashamed that I had allowed myself to get into such a situation. It even got to the point that I began to grieve for my baby. I would rub my belly, that wasn't even a belly yet, and cry for him or her. Cry for them that their own mother brought them into the world this way. BUT...that didn't matter. I was going to parent my child. It didn't matter if I was adopted or not and had had a great life, I was 22! I was old enough.

I couldn't tell my parents. I had to have my best friend at the time do it. I never liked disappointing them and this would be the biggest disappointment of all. They were not happy of course. In fact, my dad would not talk to me for some time. My parents were adamant about adoption, but I told them no, I was going to parent.

"S" eventually got out of jail and I desperately tried to make a relationship work. I could picture us being married and raising our baby together. I always wanted to be a mom. And now I was!! How exciting! But there was still something missing...I just couldn't put my finger on it. And later I would learn that the missing aspect in my life was prayer.

As my pregnancy progressed, it was very apparent that "S" didn't really care what I did. I wanted to get married now, he wanted to wait. Why did he want to wait?? From my experience, most guys tell you to wait because they have NO intention of marrying you. And that was exactly his intention. He would lie about missing doctors appointments, telling me he got pulled over or taken into jail just for the day. I was beginning to see through the lies. He lied about buying things for the baby and I hate to admit this, there was a time he threatened me with a weapon. I finally eventually broke myself away from him when I found out he was dating another girl. He still bugged me about the baby after that but he knew things were over between us.

When I found out I was having a boy, I was thrilled. At the time I was thrilled because I had always wanted a little boy first AND because "S" already had a daughter, so I knew he really wanted a son. I already had a name picked out and I began calling him that. But we will call him "C". I loved "C". I sang to him and was always rubbing my belly. I would play little games with him while he was in my belly. I loved it! I loved being pregnant and I loved this little boy so much! I would tell him of all the wonderful things he was going to do with his life. I couldn't wait to be his mommy!

Right around my 7th month, my mom wanted to fly me home to California for a week. I agreed to come. I was a little worried they would try and keep me there, but I put my faith in my parents that they would allow me to go back to Utah. While I was home, they asked me if I would meet with a lady named Julie from LDS Family Services. I agreed but I was very cold with her. I wasn't going to choose adoption.....what were my parents thinking!! It really got me aggravated at times. I was old enough to care for this child. I was his mother!! But my parents treated me very well during my stay and allowed me to return to Utah.

When I returned to Utah, my co-workers (I worked at Smiths), threw me a baby shower. I got so many nice things and I felt loved. I was beginning to get excited about the birth of my son. But I was also nervous because "S" either was going to be around too much or not at all, and both frightened me. After I had been back in Utah for about a month, "S" went back to jail and my parents decided that I needed to come home to have this baby. They knew I needed family to take care of me. I had taken care of my self for 8 months of my pregnancy with no support. So, I knew that I really needed to go home to have this little guy.

I was still positive on parenting when I got home to California. I finally decided to get my life right and go back to church. I wanted my son raised with the gospel. So, I went and saw dear Bishop Russell. He is such a good man. I told him my plans to parent and he asked me if I had prayed about it. I had prayed, but had I never prayed about what to do for this tiny person living inside of me. I had only prayed about what I wanted...not what God wanted. Before I even began to pray about it, confusion struck me. All of a sudden, parenting him didn't feel right anymore, but neither did adoption. I was horrified!! My baby was due soon and here I was questioning what to do with his life! I went back to my Bishop and he told me it was a choice I had to make and he couldn't do it for me. I sat there and cried and he cried with me, because my confusion was so strong. I then began to pray harder then I have ever prayed in my life. This time I promised to my Father in Heaven that I would do His will, not what I wanted, like I had been doing the entire time. I had been scared to pray before, because I didn't want to get an answer that I didn't like. But this time, I threw all that fear out the window and poured my heart out to Heavenly Father. He didn't answer me right away and I was getting somewhat desperate.

On a Saturday afternoon in July 2006, I walked into my moms room and asked, "do you think Mr. and Mrs. S would be willing to meet with me so I could talk to them about possibly adopting C?" First off, let me explain something. I have known Mr and Mrs "S" for a long time. Especially Mrs. "S". I won't say how and where, but they are family friends. At the time, they lived 6 hours away. I knew they hadn't had children in their 5 year marriage and no doctor could tell them why. My mom had mentioned them before to me, but she had always dropped it when I was so adamant about parenting. So, what provoked me that day to see if they wanted to drive 6 hours to talk to me....I don't know. I can't even remember having the thought. All I remember is walking into my moms room and those words coming out of my mouth. The next day, which was Sunday, they drove 6 hours to come and talk to me. I asked them questions about how they would raise him and if they were willing to keep the name I had given him in his name somehow. We talked about how much contact we would want and how my pregnancy had gone. But at the end, I let them know, that I still hadn't made a decision. And then they drove 6 hours home. I still didn't know what to do. I didn't get an answer while I was talking to them, which I thought I would. The following day, Monday, I went to Lowe's with my parents on an errand. I was walking around when a 801 area code showed up on my phone. 801 is the Salt Lake City area code. I thought it could be one of my friends from school. So, I answered it. It was "S". All he said was, "I'm out of jail, but I'll talk to you later," and he hung up. After being in shock from hearing from him again, I began to walk around the store. The spirit then whispered to me, "if you love this baby as much as you say you do, you won't let him live like this." I knew it then. I knew without a doubt that this little boy deserved so much more then what I had to offer. When I found my parents, I told them that I wanted Mr. and Mrs "S" to be "C's" parents. We went home and called them right away. My prayers had finally been answered. I had two weeks left until my due date and not one time did I go back on the confirmation I received. I knew that my son deserved the best from the very beginning. I wasn't going to take that chance that he MAY end up having a good life. I wanted, he IS going to have a good life.

On August 3rd, 2006 at 2:56 a.m., I gave birth to the sweetest little boy. I spent 3 beautiful days in the hospital with him. Thats all I had, was 3 days. But they are some of the sweetest moments of my life.

Choosing adoption was the hard choice. The choice that has caused me more grief and pain then I could have ever imagined. But it has also caused me the greatest peace and blessings that I can not even begin to describe. How did I do it? How was I able to place my flesh and blood into someone else's arms? I don't know. All I can say is that it was a power beyond this world. A Heavenly power that gave me the strength to do was what best for my son.

I am about to have my "first" baby with my husband, but I am already a mother. I am a true mother. A true mother would do anything for her child. She would starve, to make sure her child had something to eat. She would jump in front of a bus, so that her child would not get hit........ Or, she would unselfishly break her own heart, to make sure that her child had the best life possible, even if it is one that she could not provide. My entire pregnancy with "C", I was so set on being his mother, "I'm his mother, I have to raise him." But I was wrong. Being his mother means I need to do what was best for him, not just raise him. "C" did not ask to be born into the life I almost gave him. His trust was completely in me, that I would do the right thing for him. And as his mother, his birth mother, I know that I did just that.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


3 years ago today, I married the most amazing man alive. He continues to amaze me every day and I fall more in love with him every day. I can not wait to spend eternity with this man. I am one lucky girl!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Shower Me!!

Blogger is being really dumb and is only letting me upload 5 pictures. So, here are a few from my shower that I had a week ago, Oct. 23rd. Sean and I both felt so loved! We had about 60-70 people come. So, it was jam packed, but wonderful. We did get a lot of pictures, but I was also bummed that I didn't get more pictures with people, or the food, which was AMAZING!! We can't wait to get this little girl here and let her use all the wonderful things she got!

The room where everyone ate.

The AMAZING cake! It was chocolate on the top and carrot cake on the bottom and it was HEAVENLY! The carrot cake was truly the best carrot cake I have ever tasted!

My love and I after opening the amazing gifts.

Before the cake was cut.

8 months. And yes I'm wearing very high shoes. I got a lot of 'you shouldn't be wearing those' at the shower. But they are actually very comfy and if you know me, I always gotta rock my heals!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

RIP Boss

I know this may seem like a silly post, but since this is my online journal, I want to blog about it.

Our beloved dog Boss died this afternoon. Like most dogs, he was a part of the family and it has not been easy. Boss has been going down hill for some time. He would have been 11 years old on Sunday. Which for a Bull Mastiff is WAY above their life expectancy. So, I do know that he had a very good life. Last week, we thought we were going to have to put him down, but he bounced back. But after his episode last week, I knew the end was coming fast. Sunday, he stopped eating and drinking and Monday night and last night, he kept Sean and I up by crying, which he never does. He has always been so brave, so hearing him cry broke our hearts. So we knew it was time.

At first I didn't want to be in the room, but decided to at the last minute. I'm glad I did. I was right there with him when he took his last breath and that gives me comfort to know that I was the last one he saw. I love this dog so much and I have so many wonderful memories of him. And I know that I will see him again.

RIP Boss

Oct. 10th 1999-Oct. 6th 2010

Sean and I always loved a good photo shoot with Boss. Even the silly ones.

I LOVED when Boss would put his belly up to be scratched!

He had this thing with his was always sticking out...even till his last breath...he had that thing hanging out.

He took good care of my dad during all his surgeries...and my dad returned the favor with a belly rub.

He was always looking for attention. And we always gave it to him.

Yes thats Boss IN BED with Sean! HAHA. Back when he could still jump up that high.

Sean and Boss being silly.

Boss HATED the rain and snow. But on this snow day, we left the front door open, and he ran right out into it.

Boss was ALWAYS trying to be in my pictures! The one with me pregnant was taken just this last Friday.

Boss and his homie Sean.

There is that tongue again!!

He actually learned how to come in and out of our little doggie door!! Boss is HUGE and it looked like he would never fit, but somehow he made himself fit!

A week ago when we knew that his life was coming to an end.

This was taken today at the vets office. I'm so glad I was there to be with him in his final moments.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Countdown Begins!

7 months

This last Wednesday, I reached 28 weeks, which is the beginning of the 3 trimester. I can hardly believe it. This pregnancy is going by WAY too fast! This little girl is super active but never wants to move for anyone but me. Sean has just barely started to really see and feel her make big movements. I wasn't feeling very good for awhile, which was my thyroid and my doc bumped up my meds, but I'm still feeling I'm wondering if I need a higher dose of my thyroid meds again. Other then that, we are super excited to start the countdown to meet our little girl! I'm getting a little sad that it's the last stage of pregnancy because I've really enjoyed bonding with her. BUT...I can't wait to see her gorgeous face!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Birthday Celebration

My birthday was last week, August 30th, and I turned 27. Don't worry, I'm not going to say how old I am, because really, is 27 old? I think not. I'm sure when I'm in my 50's I'll be looking back WISHING I was 27! I had a great birthday week! Sean sure knows how to spoil me! He surprised me with breakfast in bed. At work, we had a party and a Costco carrot cake! YUM! I received many great gifts from my co-workers and friends. Later, we went out to eat with my parents.

Fast forward to Friday, Sean surprised me with a bunch of friends at this new restaurant called Bex. And again, I was spoiled my love and affection by more people. Saturday, Sean and I drove down to Orange County to do some birthday shopping. We could have shopped here, but we decided to make a day of it....more fun! I really couldn't ask for better friends and a better husband. Sean is always trying to find ways to surprise me.

In other news, the pregnancy is going well. This pregnancy is a lot harder then my first, but I'm pushing through! Here is me last Sunday in our desert photo shoot at 25weeks! I definitely look pregnant now!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

6 months?

At my appointment last Thursday, the doctor did another ultrasound for me and we got to see our baby girl again. We actually got a genital shot this time, though not a good one because she likes to move around so much. We got a shot of her sucking her thumb! So cute. But according to my last period, which is what they like to go off of, since they don't know exact time of conception, I should be 22 weeks 1 day today. Well, last Thursday at my appointment, my uterus was measuring 22 weeks, which would put me at 23 weeks today, or 6 months. Since I'm only 6 days ahead, they won't change my due date. But I have measured 6 days ahead every single time. SOOO....I should be 6 months today according to my measurements. So I'm kinda changing my due date on my own, which would change it from 12/22 to 12/16. I'm POSITIVE I won't go till December 22n. I have now POSITIVE that I ovulated early.

So, other then that, everythings great. I'm still tired, but I blame that on the heat. When I was pregnant with my birth son, I had severe foot pain from swelling just on the bottom of my feet, and I'm getting it again and I'm popping tums like candy, but I LOVE IT! I love being pregnant.

Side note: Sean and I started back up to work. We both work at a high school with the special needs students. Work could also be causing me to be tired. Working with 17 severe special needs students and pushing one around in a wheelchair all day can really take a toll. But we love our jobs. Sean started taking classes at University of Phoenix! YAY! I'm so proud of him. And my classes start back up in a little over a week. Only 14 more units for me! I can finally see that light at the end of the tunnel! =)

Sorry these are so crooked. They scanned that way and I didn't feel like rescanning them.

Our little thumb sucker!

It's really hard to tell what you are looking at, but if you look closely, you can tell she's still a girl!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Happy birthday to the boy that changed my life..

4 years ago today, I gave birth to my birth son. Could 4 years have really already passed? It seems quite impossible, but it's not. I look how my life has changed and grown in the last 4 years and I am astonished. Last night I was talking to Sean about my little guy and as we were talking, it hit me. Even though I was not living my life how I should of, if I could go back in time, I would not change a thing. Does that seem crazy?? Crazy to put myself through that all over again? Am I a masochist?

To answer all of those questions; No

The reason I would do it all again, pain and all, is because it changed my life. For the better. I learned to be unselfish. I learned the type of love the Savior has for us, pure. I learned the true meaning of the atonement because I actually got to truly use it. I learned that no matter what life throws at me, I can handle it because I have already dealt with the greatest type of pain. I learned that I will be a great mother, because I was able to give my "first" child the best, even though I couldn't give it to him. At the time of placement, all a birth mothers reasoning for doing what she is doing points to the child. Most of us do it for them, not ourselves. But as time passes, the lessons that you learn and the blessings you receive are unmistakable. I am so grateful to this little boy. I'm glad he chose me as his vessel to get to earth. He really did help change my life. I never thought something so small, such as a newborn baby, could have such an impact.

So, happy birthday to the sweetest little boy on the face of the earth. You don't know this now, but you changed my life. You don't remember this, but the day you were born, there were angels around us. Angels helping comfort me and angels getting you to your family. You are very special. NEVER forget that. The feelings I felt 4 years ago are indescribable and they are so sacred and special to me. I love you little guy.

The first time they placed in him my arms. The spirit that was felt at that time was undescribable. The angels must have already been among us.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Almost half way there

I'm almost half way done! I can't believe it. This next Wednesday, I'll be 20 weeks. The time has really been flying by, but I'm really trying to savor every moment. I've kind of been having a hard time lately. I pinched a nerve in my back from sitting wrong, yes....from sitting wrong, and the last 2 weeks have been tough physically. BUT....I love being pregnant. I love life growing inside of me. Even with being in pain and only being able to take Tylenol, I still try to smile and be positive. Because you never know what life have in store for you.

When I was pregnant with my birth son, I was planning on raising him at first. But for some reason, I was in no hurry to get him out of me. I've heard many women say, "I just want this baby out." But I didn't feel that way with him. I treasured every second that I was pregnant. I now feel that was Heavenly Fathers way of having me bond with him, knowing that I wouldn't have him once he was born. Well, I feel similar to that with this baby. Yes, I'm raising her, and no I don't think anything is going to happen. But this is the only time in our lives that it will just be me and her. Once she's out, she'll have daddy and grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends. It won't be just me and her. So, I'm treasuring this time I have with her. This time when all she can really hear is my voice, my heart. I'm cherishing feeling her move and grow within me, because this may be the only other pregnancy I have. (I don't think it will be, but you never know.) So, I'm living this pregnancy to the fullest and really enjoying it. Yes, I can't wait to see that beautiful little face in person, but for the time being, I'm enjoying having our spirits bond and enjoying OUR time together, just me and her.

19 weeks and finally getting a little bump. BUT...if I suck it in really hard, my bump goes away! HAHA...but that's too uncomfortable, so I let it all hang out.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

An early surprise!

At my appointment last week, I mentioned to my ob/gyn that I had minor spotting. It was such a small amount that I wasn't worried at all, but thought I should mention it to him. Well, being the great doctor he is, he wanted to get me in for an ultrasound the next day, in which we could also find out the sex of the baby. Even though the baby was refusing to cooperate most of the time, we found out we are having......

A GIRL!!!!

We don't have any genital shots because she literally only let us look for a second before she stuck her foot back in her crotch. But we are thrilled! I had a feeling it was a girl. Sean thought it was a boy until the doctor told us we were going to find out the sex the next day. He said he immediately thought, we are going to have a girl. The spotting turned out to be nothing. Just one of those things. So, we found out Friday and decided to have a "sex reveal bbq" on Sunday. This was very hard on my mom to have to wait 2 whole days! But I decided that you never know whats gong to happen in life, so you need to make the most of it. I wanted to celebrate this baby because we have waited so long for her. Our bbq was a success and really fun. We had everyone guess what they thought the baby was. It was a dead even. We had a cake that was pink, so when we cut it and turned around, everyone knew it was a girl.

Her pretty profile

Her feet

Waving to mommy and daddy

The doesn't look that great but tasted YUMMY!!

When we turned around...surprise..the cake is pink!

Some of our guests. We fit over 20 people in our little house...but it was great to have the company to celebrate our little girl.

Some of my lady friends

We probably won't have another one of these because my mom about had an anxiety attack. I just think that Sean and I will have to go out and celebrate on our own next time.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Is there REALLY a baby in there?

By the looks of my stomach, you wouldn't think so!

Here I am today at 16 weeks 2 days. My waist is definitly thicker. Pants are nice and tight and I even finally broke down and bought some maternity Forever 21! Yes, they have a maternity line now! But I'm just waiting for that day when I "POP".

I'm not worried that I haven't REALLY started to show yet. I'm quite aware that I have child bearing hips and a baby can hide quite well in between these hips of mine. I'm just tired of feeling bulky and I want to really feel and look pregnant.

Oh and P.S. I felt some movement last night. I would count it as the first real movement that I've noticed. =)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

YAY for growing babies!

So, Im 14 weeks today and I have officially entereted my 2nd trimester! YAY!! It is still so hard for me to believe! Here are some of my stats from my 1st trimester.

When did you find out you were pregnant? April 17th. I only took a test because the day before, I got a massage and when I layed down on the table, my ta-tas were KILLING me! A light bulb went off in my head at that moment.

Whats your due date? December 22nd. I always vowed I'd never have a Christmas baby. But now with everything I've experienced, I can't think of a better Christmas gift!

Morning sickness? OH YEA!! It kicked in early at 5 weeks and lasted till 12. It had my couch ridden for many afternoons. It got really bad at the end, around 10 weeks and literally disappeared at 12. Although I still get nauseous when I'm really hungry.

Weight gained? 3 lbs. I'm trying really hard to not gain 1 million lbs but it was hard those first weeks being so sick to wanna get up, let alone excerise.

Hows the fatigue? It's good that I'm not sleeping for 12 hours anymore, but I'm still pretty tired.

Felt the baby move? I thought I felt "fluttering" the other day, but I wasn't sure. I felt my birth son at 16 weeks, so I'm expecting to feel this one soon.

Maternity clothes yet? Nope!! I can still wear my regular jeans. I don't look pregnant. Just thicker in the waist. Pregnancy is when I'm very grateful to have wide hips. The baby has lots of room in there!

I'm still peeing every 2 seconds and cry over silly things, but it's so great! I have now had 2 ultrasounds and heard the heart beat twice! I feel extrememly blessed!This pregnancy has been different then my first one, which I will probably blog about later, but it's such an amazing experience. I'm really trying to enjoy every second because I don't want to miss out on anything. Sean has been do great too. He did everything around the house when I was so sick and never complained. And he was always checking to see if I needed anything. Like when he went looking for chicken noodle soup for me at 11 pm!

And speaking of Sean, he gave me an early birthday present. 2 months early, but I don't care. He got me an SLR camera!! My first camera with a lens! I'm so excited to start really using it!

This the camera but I got this picture off the internet. I just got it last night, so I still need to really play with it. Isn't my hubby great??

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

So....I guess I drank some of that water!

Remember my post a little while back about something being in the water because I knew a MILLION pregnant people? Well, apparently I drank that water too! That's right.... we are expecting!!!

It's been very hard keeping this in, but I knew it was something we wanted to wait to share. First off, this came to us as a complete surprise. We were waiting one more month because of the miscarriage I had in Feb. And it happened in Cancun, which also was a surprise, because I wasn't suppose to ovulate until 2 days after we got back (sorry for the details).

First appointment went great. I thought I was going to die before my appointment, because I was so nervous they were going to tell me something bad. But the baby was measuring 6 days early, and everything looked perfect. I had my 2nd appointment today. Sean couldn't make this one because of his 2nd job, so my mom joined me. And since my nurse practitioner loves grandmas, she did another ultrasound for us! The baby was kicking and moving like crazy!! I'm 13 weeks today, but the baby is measuring 13 weeks 3 days. Heartbeat was perfect at 165, and this appointment really put a lot of my fears aside.

I've been really sick this pregnancy. I don't vomit, but I would get so nauseous, that it would make me weak. Lets just say, must days after work, you could find me on the couch for the remainder of the day. But it's all worth it. I started feeling better a week ago, and then I got a sinus infection and slight bought of bronchitis. So, I felt sick from that. But I am overjoyed. I'll take the fatigue and nausea any day, if it means I get to me a mommy.

And whats really interesting to me, when I wrote that post that I healed and excepted a lot of things in Cancun, I had no idea this was coming. It was almost as if Heavenly Father was waiting for me to except whatever He had in store for me. Some days, I still can't believe it. But I know this is truly a blessing. 5 years after I got a taste of motherhood with my first pregnancy, I finally get to have a baby of my own.

Our baby at 13 weeks

Friday, June 11, 2010

My last post was about Color Free and once again, I'm going to be the proud wife. Sean and his group did AMAZING at their show at the Key Club!!! I was SHOCKED!!! I've seen them perform at little things, but never like that. It was as if Sean was a different person. Which he is...he's iLLi on stage. I was so proud! Well, Color Free has 2 more shows coming up. One on June 13th at the Zanzibar in Hollywood. I will not be able to attend that one. Their next show is June 18th at the House of Blues in Hollywood and that show is FREE!!! Yes I said FREE!!! So, you all better be there!! Can' beat a free show!! Come see how amazing Sean is on stage!

And here is my hot rapper husband iLLi (aka Sean)