To answer all of those questions; No
The reason I would do it all again, pain and all, is because it changed my life. For the better. I learned to be unselfish. I learned the type of love the Savior has for us, pure. I learned the true meaning of the atonement because I actually got to truly use it. I learned that no matter what life throws at me, I can handle it because I have already dealt with the greatest type of pain. I learned that I will be a great mother, because I was able to give my "first" child the best, even though I couldn't give it to him. At the time of placement, all a birth mothers reasoning for doing what she is doing points to the child. Most of us do it for them, not ourselves. But as time passes, the lessons that you learn and the blessings you receive are unmistakable. I am so grateful to this little boy. I'm glad he chose me as his vessel to get to earth. He really did help change my life. I never thought something so small, such as a newborn baby, could have such an impact.
So, happy birthday to the sweetest little boy on the face of the earth. You don't know this now, but you changed my life. You don't remember this, but the day you were born, there were angels around us. Angels helping comfort me and angels getting you to your family. You are very special. NEVER forget that. The feelings I felt 4 years ago are indescribable and they are so sacred and special to me. I love you little guy.