Friday, March 4, 2011

this too shall pass.............

This is my favorite phrase when things are not going the way I want. When I'm sick, I chant this to myself. When I was in labor and it was decided that I wasn't going to get an epidural, I was chanting it then. It really helps me get through a hard situation by telling myself that it won't last forever.

I'm depressed right now. Don't worry and don't go calling in a prescription for anti-depressants. Let me explain something. Before Brielle was born, work was exhausting. And not just physically, but mentally as well. For those that don't know, I work with severe special needs students at a high school. I really do love them all and they all hold a special place in my heart. But my job is no easy task. I'm talking, changing, feeding, restraining and taking care of these kids who are the size of adults! I used to come home wiped out and it was all I could do to get my homework done. But I loved my job. Fast forward to now. Brielle is added to that picture. As much as I love my job, there is something(Brielle) I love WAY more and I'd much rather be taking care of her. It's hard to find balance when I come home because all I want to do is snuggle and spend time with her but there is homework and housework to be done! I wake up at 5 am and sometimes a little earlier depending on when Brielle wants to eat. And I now find myself doing laundry at 5:30 in the morning or cleaning a bathroom.
The point of this post is not just to hear me complain (and I'm sorry because I hate complaining). My point is, despite how much I DESPISE going to work (I actually almost cried a few times because I didn't want to be there), I know this is just a short season in my life. The only hard part for me is I want this season to be over with, but I don't want Brielle to get any bigger. See my dilemma? I KNOW I will look back on this time in my life and realize how much stronger it made me (even though I don't feel that way now). I KNOW that one day, I'll be able to stay home with Brielle and my future children (really wish that was right now). Until then, I will just have to keep chanting....."this too shall pass."

p.s. all the colorful words were making me feel better, that's why there are so many. =)