Friday, March 4, 2011

this too shall pass.............

This is my favorite phrase when things are not going the way I want. When I'm sick, I chant this to myself. When I was in labor and it was decided that I wasn't going to get an epidural, I was chanting it then. It really helps me get through a hard situation by telling myself that it won't last forever.

I'm depressed right now. Don't worry and don't go calling in a prescription for anti-depressants. Let me explain something. Before Brielle was born, work was exhausting. And not just physically, but mentally as well. For those that don't know, I work with severe special needs students at a high school. I really do love them all and they all hold a special place in my heart. But my job is no easy task. I'm talking, changing, feeding, restraining and taking care of these kids who are the size of adults! I used to come home wiped out and it was all I could do to get my homework done. But I loved my job. Fast forward to now. Brielle is added to that picture. As much as I love my job, there is something(Brielle) I love WAY more and I'd much rather be taking care of her. It's hard to find balance when I come home because all I want to do is snuggle and spend time with her but there is homework and housework to be done! I wake up at 5 am and sometimes a little earlier depending on when Brielle wants to eat. And I now find myself doing laundry at 5:30 in the morning or cleaning a bathroom.
The point of this post is not just to hear me complain (and I'm sorry because I hate complaining). My point is, despite how much I DESPISE going to work (I actually almost cried a few times because I didn't want to be there), I know this is just a short season in my life. The only hard part for me is I want this season to be over with, but I don't want Brielle to get any bigger. See my dilemma? I KNOW I will look back on this time in my life and realize how much stronger it made me (even though I don't feel that way now). I KNOW that one day, I'll be able to stay home with Brielle and my future children (really wish that was right now). Until then, I will just have to keep chanting....."this too shall pass."

p.s. all the colorful words were making me feel better, that's why there are so many. =)

5 comments:

Creel Family said...

I think that saying is perfect for you. I know this is a hard time but soon it will be spring break and soon summer break. Maybe you guys can work something out so you can be home all summer too. Start looking now. I know things will work out and please let me know if I can help. Sorry I haven't helped out so far.

A Life Being Lived said...

I love your posts, even when you are having a tough time you stay positive. You are honestly a hero in my book both because of your career path and wanting to be a great and present mom to your daughter. I hope sooner rather than later your work situation changes so things improve for you!

Derek & Naomi said...

I too thank you for your positive attitude even when life is harder than appreciated. You are such a wonderful momma, you are absolutely right, this too shall pass, and the Lord will bless you for your efforts and bless you with the desires of your dear and beautiful heart!

Olia said...

only 55 school days left, I keep chanting too...

Stephanie said...

You are doing great and everyone needs to vent now and then. I'm first to say that as much as I love my kids, I CAN NOT work with other ppl's kids (special needs or not) so I know how hard your job must be.

You are so right it will pass, and if your dream is to stay home I hope it comes to you sooner than later. I on the SAHM side sometimes wish to go back to work, but I think of my bad days as having many mnay yrs to work and only a few to stay at home with the kids. But at times it's trying. Best of luck