Last Day of National Adoption Month

It's the last day of National Adoption Month. So, one more highlight on the subject.

Adoption

To some, it's an answered prayer. To others, it's a word of hurt and loss. I don't like the fact that some people have such negative thoughts about adoption. Why? Because it's who I am. Someone saying something bad about adoption is basically saying something bad about me. I read something recently that said adopted children have "mental problems". (Ok it didn't say "mental problems" per say, but it alluded to it). Hmmmmmm.....I don't feel crazy. In fact, I feel I'm highly intelligent. My brothers are well rounded and intelligent as well. I didn't like reading that comment. But the woman who wrote it was a birth mom, a very hurt birth mom.

There is a problem in adoption that I don't like. Adoptive parents not keeping their promises and birth parents not keeping theirs. I also read recently about an adoptive parent that did not keep her promise to their birth mom. But after a few years and becoming more educated about adoption, realized she was wrong. I understand that people make mistakes. We should forgive despite the hurt we feel. But when birth parents and adoptive parents refuse to keep their promises to each other, I don't like that. Adoption is about compromise. It's doing whats best for ALL parties, not just one or the other. Most of all, it's about doing what's best for the child.

One more problem in adoption...

There was a time when birth mothers were forced in placing their children. These women are hurt and often these are the women that talk bad about adoption. I can feel their pain. To be forced into such a life changing decision, against what you feel, is very wrong. Their hurt is understandable. But do I think they should bad mouth ALL adoptions? No. That's like saying all one religion or race is bad, just because you had a bad experience with something. For example, I had an AMAZING experience getting an epidural when I was in labor. My sister in law did not have a good experience. Ask us both about epidurals, and we will give you two sides. Does it mean that EVERY SINGLE epidural turns out horrible?? No. Just two different experiences.

Adoption is a touchy subject. I wish there was nothing but good when it comes to adoption. Shame on people that have no experience in adoption, yet still feel the need to bad mouth it. Shame on you! Adoption should be a beautiful thing and when people bad mouth it, they take some of that beauty away.

Adoption is different to many people. I can only tell you my experience. You may have had a bad one, and for that I'm truly sorry. Adoption should not be bad. It should be one of sacrifice, love, hope and courage.

Adoptive parents, I have so much respect for you. Most adoptive parents have struggled with infertility or they are infertile. The pain you must have felt to find out your body turned against you. My heart aches for you. After you have grieved, you find a new found hope; adoption.

Birth parents, especially birth moms, oh how I love you. I know exactly how you feel. The sacrifice you made for the one you love, the pain of letting go. I have been there, and I have cried with you.

Adopted children. You are very loved. I feel the extra love. I had a birth mother thinking of my everyday for 22 years before I even met her. It was an awesome feeling knowing I had a set of extra people rooting for me. You are special and loved by so many.

Adoption has made me who I am, and for that, I am grateful.

Its National Adoption Month: I'm a birth mom!

I have thought a lot about how I wanted to address this post. I know some people that read my blog, don't know the story about how I became a birth mom. BUT...I decided that I didn't want to blog about that at this particular time. Instead, I thought it more appropriate to talk about what it has been like to be a birth mom.

Never in a MILLION years did I ever think I would be a birth mom. Not because I think bad of birth moms, but because I never thought I would end up with an unplanned pregnancy. For those that don't know, I decided on adoption 2 weeks before I was due with "J". His adoptive parents are people that I knew before, I'll call them "Mr. & Mrs. S". Anyways....since I had waited so long to make a decision, I was already VERY attached to J. I don't think any woman can not get attached at some point. I didn't sleep those few nights I had alone with J in the hospital. I wanted every waking minute with him. I spent so much time with him that the nurses had a bet that I'd change my mind. (I'm glad my mother told me that AFTER I left the hospital. I probably would have gone off if I'd known then). I wanted those moments with him. They were MY moments. Did it make it harder....maybe. I'm not sure because I didn't do it the other way. But I know that I am SOOOO happy I had those moments in those 3 days.

The hardest part about being a birth mom, is essentially, you are breaking your own heart. No one chooses to get a broken heart. Usually, it's because someone else decides to break it for you. So, when you decide to do it yourself, it can be very painful. The hardest day for me, was the day right after placement. The only reason I slept the first night away from J, was out of pure exhaustion. But when I woke up, I felt as though I was going to die. I can not describe the pain I felt in my heart. That is the emotional pain that reminds me that I can get through anything.

The pain does subside, but it will never fully go away. How could it? I wouldn't want it to. The pain reminds me of the great thing I did. I helped change someone's life. I was able to change my own life. I was able to give someone a great gift. The pain is there as a reminder that I will always love this little boy. I still cry, after 3 years, but not as much. But I tell Sean I need to cry about it every now and again. It's cleansing....it's healing.

People think I'm special. Now, before you think I'm getting arrogant....let me explain. I have had 2 people tell me that I'm different then other birth moms. That I'm one of the only ones that actually loved my baby. That most women do it for money, or just don't care.....ummm...excuse me?!? I get highly defensive of other birth moms when negative things are said. I have NEVER met a birth mom that did not care for her child. And lets just say that a birth mom was choosing adoption because she just didn't want a kid....isn't that better then the mother that keeps her child, but parties so much that the kid ends up being taken away anyway?! Despite the reasons that a birth mother has for choosing adoption, she is still putting the child above herself. It takes a special woman to be a birth mom. So, when someone puts one down, I feel it's a personal attack.

People are still shocked when they find out I'm a birth mom. I want people to know because I want people to see the other side of adoption. I want ignorant people to see that birth moms aren't these irresponsible people. I want girls faced with unplanned pregnancies to know that adoption is a beautiful choice...yes it's hard....but it's still beautiful and so worth it.

Choosing adoption is the hard choice. It takes a great deal of courage to break your own heart. The only way I know that I was able to do that, was that I was able to step out of myself for one split second, and really look at what I was doing. All it took was one second for me to realize that I wanted J to have the best. One second for me to realize that Mr. and Mrs. S needed to be his parents. A million prayers were answered in one second.

I never thought in a million years that I would be a birth mom. But I'm so glad that I am.



Me and my mom visiting with J when he was 4 days old.

*for the curious people, I do get letters and pictures twice a year...and I will not show newer pictures of J....but just for the record..and I'm not being biased....he is one GOOD LOOKING KID!! *

Family Pictures

A looonnnggg time ago,(May), Sean and I wanted to get family pictures done with his family. So, we did. We used our family friend Brad Smith. He did our wedding and sealing. He is AMAZING! We were broke over the summer, so we didn't get them until October and I have been too busy to post them. So here there are!! FINALLY! I highly recommend Brad. He is our photographer for life! He is located in Santa Clarita. Go check out his website; bradsmithstudios.com




This was one of our "funny ones". Don't mess wit our "wood". haha

My beautiful family. We even got grandpa in the picture!

The kids! Love my hubby, sis and brothers!

Isn't this picture sweet? I love seeing these guys together. There is such a strong bond.

New Moon!!

I went to the Midnight showing of "New Moon" last night (this morning). We were scheduled to see the 12:01 showing, but they had this deal, if you bought a ticket for $5, you got to see Twilight at 9. Then we would be the first people ushered into the 12:20 showing. HECK YA!! I'll pay $5 extra bucks to not stand in the freezing cold outside and to watch Twilight again! I got the the theater at 3 pm and left at almost 3 am! 12 hours....i'm crazy right??

So, I won't give anything away...but it was AMAZING! Made way better then Twilight. And it was kind of overwhelming. Because it was shot so much better. There was more color and you could tell they had more money. So, it was almost like I was watching a completely different movie, not the sequel to Twilight. It followed the book better then Twilight did. I don't want to say to much, but it does leave you a TAD bit antsy for more at the end! he he! Eclipse comes out June 30th 2010! They already had the poster for it up in the theater! Can't wait. For now, I'll just have to go see New Moon again!!

Man Am I Frustrated!!!!

Hello,

Mr. Kilpatrick(Sean) here. I just had some things on my mind. I dont know how many thoughts, or what exactly I am going to type here in this blog, but Im very annoyed. Well at this time, I just feel the need to rant!!! I am an avid watcher and big fan of GLENN BECK!! I dont care if you agree with him and what his views are,or whether you like him/hate him, thats my dood. Anyway, I was watching todays show(on Fox News...direct tv ch. 360 @ 2pm and 11pm). He was covering the rediculous things going on in the economy Nation wide, and even here in California. As the show was going on I was doing some deep thinking myself, and what came to mind was...WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!!!!! There is alot of shady selfish crap going on, in our government, and it supposidly is all in the name of Helping the citizens of the United States. No it's not!!! The ding bats handling the California budget think it's a good idea to withhold an additional 10% of the money that hard working individuals make, to help close the horrific budget defecit. Our Gover-nator thinks that instead of limiting the privledges and benefits in the prisons(tv, internet, better health care then some law abiding citizens, and even coffee machines) that inmates get, that we should shorten prison terms. Are you for real!?!??!?

The President and those in charge of our U.S. financial decisions, feel so strongly that we must BAILOUT failing corporations. I got news for anyone that voted for Obama because he was gonna help them out. And I got news for those who voted for him and claim to be so for the little guy and hates big evil Corporations for their greediness...Obama bailed out those EVIL Corporations with Billions of our tax dollars...what did Obama do for you??? Sure some might say, he extended un-employment benefits. Really, thats cool, but do you have a job yet??? Maybe you just like getting a free check in the mail. Oh and about that free check...it aint really FREE. The money for that check, comes from hard working Americans that actually have jobs and pay their taxes(unlike Congressman Charlie Rangel or Obama's Tresury Secretary Tim Gietner who forget to file/pay their taxes).

There are so many people that are so eager to jump on and support a government program or option if they are told it's free. Let me tell you something, anything that you are told is coming from the Government or that the Government claims is FREE, is NOT really FREE!!!! The money to cover that so called FREE option, program, or hand out or HAHA bailout(oh yeah and Free government run health care) or whatever, must come from some where. Can you guess where it comes from most of the time??? If you said TAXPAYERS, you are correct. According to ABC news, as well as yes Glenn Beck, the Cash For Clunkers program resulted in an estimated $24,000 bill per new vehicle to the American tax payer???

There are so many issues I can speak on. I really can. But it's 10:50pm and I have a job to go to in the morning to go EARN my income. I dont have any FREE checks coming to me, and my employer aint gonna pay me for doing nothing. But I just wanted to make my feelings known to who ever will partake. I may be wrong on some issues, but Im a pretty open minded, common sense, logic driven type of person, that cares about my future and the well being of my family. There are those that will call me stupid and crazy for liking and listening to Glenn Beck. But for those that maybe riding the fence on if the man is for real, I strongly urge you to watch him. Watch him for like a week straight at least. And if you dont think he makes sence, or you really think you can prove his theories to be incorrect, then you really need to open your eyes, cause the situation in our country Sucks!! It could be worse yes, but it really sucks right now. For anyone that feels Obama and his administration are helping our country, I challenge you to explain it to yourself out loud, and see if you dont sound like a complete idiot.

I hope this blog has helped anyone that feels alone in their frustration. If this blog offended anyone, then you need to humble yourself and use this moment to start realizing that im not attacking you but attacking your thinking that the more government involvment we have in our lives, the more we as a people are actually limited from true progression, and happiness.

Thank you for reading...

26 & counting

Today is Seans 26th birthday! He finally caught up to me(i'm 2 1/2 months older). In honor of the man I love so dearly, I came up with 26 reasons why I love him so much and what makes him so great!(in no particular order.) (And I stole this from him.)
1. He is INCREDIBLY good looking.
2. He doesn't realize how good looking he is.
3. He has such a kind heart.
4. He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.
5. He can be anyones friend.
6. He is quite the comedian.
7. He makes me laugh everyday.
8. He makes his group Color Free all that much better just because he is in it.(You can now buy their music on itunes!!)
9. He is great at writing lyrics and putting his thoughts and emotions down on paper.
10. He has a strong testimony of the love of Jesus Christ.
11. He is an worthy priesthood holder.
12. He loves me with such a passion.
13. He tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful, every single day.
14. He can't wait to be a daddy.
15. He is a great uncle and loves his nieces and nephews so much.
16. He loves his and my families.
17. He wants to take care of me and our future children.
18. He has a great taste in music.
19. He can change the oil in our cars!
20. He loves to go shopping.
21. He fulfills his callings in church.
22. He always tells me the truth, even if it means I'll be mad.
23. He loves the Lakers.
24. He would do anything to make me happy.
25. He is so humble about how wonderful he is.
26. He married me still, even though I'm sick all the time! =)

Thank you Sean for being on the path you were on, that led you to me. Life wouldn't be as fun if you were not in it. You have shown me the greatest kind of love. Thank you baby for being you and for loving me! I love you and Happy Birthday!!

You Are Wonderful!!!

Dear Sierra…My Wonderful Wife,

I wanted to take some time to share some feelings with you. I was in the bedroom cleaning up and I started thinking about my birthday coming up this weekend. I thought about how me being born made it possible for us to get married, and how happy that has made you. Well it got me thinking of how happy we are together. Right now you are at the college working on a dance routine for a show so it’s giving me an opportunity to think and reflect being here at home without you. I feel so very pleased to have such an awesome women in my life. Even more than that, I have been so blessed with such a wonderful daughter of God!! You truly are My Angel(I don’t mean to sound too corny, but for real)!!! You have become my absolute best friend in the whole world. You help define what makes me a good guy because your happiness in life in many ways I guess, reflects the decent job I am doing as your husband. You make me stronger. The way you care about me, and look out for me, helps me to better look out for myself. You are so selfless with your love. You are always so concerned for me and always hope im doing well…Really, you just want the best for me!!!

I know at times you feel over looked by others, but trust me if that is the case unfortunately they are missing out on a great amazing friendship with a truly amazing women. Even though there are many goals I want to accomplish, and things I want to experience, my greatest hope and most fulfilling Goal will eternally on going…and that is to make you Happy!!!! I plead for your forgiveness in times when I fall short or I let you down as a man, spouse, and companion. The best part about having you as my wife is that I know and can feel your forgiveness for things I have not even done yet. You care so much about us and our bond as man ands wife that you always let me know how sorry you are for things, even when I may be more at fault. That bond and the happiness it brings is also what causes me to admit when I do wrong. Writing my feelings at this time, is a little bit of a challenge in a way because it’s tough to find ways to verbally express how I feel about you. My feelings run so deep. As I picture your face in my mind, I see that Beautiful smile of yours!! Man does that visual make me happy. As I think about us having our own children together I get real excited and anxious, knowing that even though it wont be an easy task, for some reason I know we will make it the most enjoyable experience of our lives. I cannot imagine even for a minute anyone being more suited and loving to be the Mother of my children. You just have so much love in your heart.

I just want to hold you, and kiss you, and just tell you how much you mean to me!! I just want you to smile everyday, and know in your heart and mind that I love you with all my heart. Im sorry for the times, when I act more like a man that your loving husband, but that’s just part of my imperfection as a human being, and part of my learning experience here on Earth.

Baby thank you!!! Thank You for all of your support and all of your love!!! You truly do make me the happiest man in the World!!!!

Love,
Sean, Your Husband

National Adoption Month: I'm Adopted!

It's National Adoption Month! YAY! A few of my "adoption" friends have already starting blogging about adoption, so I only felt it right that I do the same. I'll be doing a few posts about adoption this month. My first topic is going to be about me being adopted.

I was adopted when I was born. My birth mother Emily was a beautiful young woman, while despite some drama getting to my actual birth, choose adoption and our Father in Heaven lead her to my parents.

I always knew I was adopted. My parents NEVER hid that from us. (My 3 brothers are adopted as well). All I had from my birth mother was a letter that she had written me. I had no idea what she looked like. But one thing my mother always instilled in me, was how much she loved me. "You are extra loved", she would say. Emily wrote me a beautiful letter about how she wanted a better life for me. Even though I didn't know all the details about why she chose adoption, I didn't need to know. I knew that she loved me and that was all I needed to know.

I knew that Emily would be easy to find. Emily's sister, Becky, married my moms cousin. Confusing right? So my mom and I are kinda like cousins through marriage! I had planned to meet her when I graduated high school. But for some reason, it never happened. As my life progressed, and things got bad for me. I ended up with my own unplanned pregnancy. After choosing adoption for my own son,(which I will discuss in a later post), I decided it was time to meet Emily. She knew exactly what I was going through because she had done the same thing!

When Emily and I first talked on the phone, it was surreal. I had always wanted to meet this woman. The woman that sacrificed for me and gave me my wonderful life. It's hard to explain the gratitude you feel for someone who gave you such a wonderful gift. She was completely understanding of my situation, and from then on, we have continued our relationship. She answered almost every question I had. The only ones she didn't answer were the ones she couldn't remember. I found out that my birth father was Hispanic, which a lot of people already assumed but it was never confirmed. I knew I had a younger half brother, who I now have a relationship with as well. I was able to find out all the events that lead to my birth.

Emily was at my wedding. She was there when I first went to the temple. We send cards and call. At my wedding, people could not believe that Emily was there and that really irritated me. Some people had the nerve to ask my mother if it bothered her that Emily was there. OF COURSE NOT!! My mom is not threatened by Emily and vice versa. We all know the place that we have in each others lives, and no one ever tries to step on anyone toes. My mom has a great deal of love and respect for Emily because with out her, she would not have a daughter.

I love being adopted. It has truly shown me that I can love anyone, blood or not, as if they were my family. Blood doesn't matter. We are all God's children. And I'm just lucky enough to have a mom and a birth mom. And it doesn't get any better then that!


This was the day my adoption was finalized when I was a year old.


Emily, James(my half brother) and I at my wedding.

beware if you are afraid of clowns!!!

hahahaha..this picture makes me laugh! Halloween '09

celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary. Sean surprised me at work with the roses that are behind us! 11/02/2009

Warning...mushiness ahead!

2 years ago today I married my best friend. Heavenly Father knew exactly the kind of guy I needed and exactly the type of woman Sean needed, and he found a way to get us together. I love Sean more and more everyday. Our relationship just keeps getting better. I never thought that I could possibly love him more, but I know my love for him will just keep growing. He makes me feel so beautiful and loved and he is always putting my happiness above his own. Example....One day recently, I got sick at work. We work at the same high school so we drive together. Sean took his lunch to take me home. On the way home I said, "Sorry you have to use your lunch to drive me home." His response. "Its ok. I would do anything for you." You see why I love this man so much!!!

He is perfect and I'm pretty biased, but I think I got the best husband in the whole universe! I love you Sean.