Monday, June 22, 2009

June 22nd is quite a day!

Today is my brother in law Macks 16th birthday, my best friend Kristals daughters (Kyriel) birthday and my friend Dianas daughters (Macazlyn)birthday AND it is also my "due date". If i had not miscarried back in December, today would be my due date. When I told someone at work today, she was like, "Wow, you really remembered that?" Well, it's kinda hard for me not too since there are sooo many birthdays on this day! I really thought that this day would be kind of hard for me. And while it does bring me some sadness, I have too much faith in our Heavenly Father. He knew what he was doing when He chose for me to miscarry. We don't know the exact reason why women miscarry for no apparent reason. People asked me right after I miscarried if the doctors had a reason why. And someone even told me that maybe next time I'd be more careful. Well guess what, I miscarried for NO REASON! The only reason I know of, is that our Father in Heaven knows what He is doing. I don't believe the whole, "it just wasn't the right time." I believe that Heavenly Father has a greater purpose behind all this. He knows the pain I felt in those first months after placing my birth son. I do not believe that He would just take my child from me because, "it wasn't the right time."

I have learned 3 very important lessons from losing this baby 6 months ago. The #1 lesson I learned was complete and absolute faith. Like I said, I don't know why, but I have faith in God's reasoning. #2 That I MUST turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ during times of trial. They continue to carry me through the hard times in my life. And even in those hard times, I have still see the Lord blessing me. #3 That Sean REALLY is ready to be a dad! He was always so scared to be a father. I was actually a little nervous when I first told him that I was pregnant, but he was more excited then me! He said that he really learned from our pregnancy experience that he is excited to be a daddy.

Usually when bad things happened in our lives, we want a reason. We don't necessarily need to know "why me" but more in the lines of, "what is the purpose of this hardship?" I have learned to not ask that of our Heavenly Father. He knows what he is doing, and hard as it may be at times, I will continue to have faith in His reasoning!


Didi & Jason said...

Oh (and I) have changed so much. I love to hear your conviction and faith in Heavenly Father. I can't believe that today is the day you would have had your lil one. And Macazlyn is 1! Where does the time go?

Stephanie said...

Awesome post. I don't find myself asking Why, in the loss of Vayden. All I know is that God needed him more and that I love and miss him dearly. The 3 things you learned are wonderful things to know and I'm so happy that you see the light instead of the dark from your hardships. Everything will work out for the good, to those who trust God and it's very clear that you do.

kathleen said...

I rarely comment on gave me chills. What a wonderful young lady you are...and gaining wisdom and knowledge. I'm so proud to be your aunt.