So....I guess I drank some of that water!

Remember my post a little while back about something being in the water because I knew a MILLION pregnant people? Well, apparently I drank that water too! That's right.... we are expecting!!!

It's been very hard keeping this in, but I knew it was something we wanted to wait to share. First off, this came to us as a complete surprise. We were waiting one more month because of the miscarriage I had in Feb. And it happened in Cancun, which also was a surprise, because I wasn't suppose to ovulate until 2 days after we got back (sorry for the details).

First appointment went great. I thought I was going to die before my appointment, because I was so nervous they were going to tell me something bad. But the baby was measuring 6 days early, and everything looked perfect. I had my 2nd appointment today. Sean couldn't make this one because of his 2nd job, so my mom joined me. And since my nurse practitioner loves grandmas, she did another ultrasound for us! The baby was kicking and moving like crazy!! I'm 13 weeks today, but the baby is measuring 13 weeks 3 days. Heartbeat was perfect at 165, and this appointment really put a lot of my fears aside.

I've been really sick this pregnancy. I don't vomit, but I would get so nauseous, that it would make me weak. Lets just say, must days after work, you could find me on the couch for the remainder of the day. But it's all worth it. I started feeling better a week ago, and then I got a sinus infection and slight bought of bronchitis. So, I felt sick from that. But I am overjoyed. I'll take the fatigue and nausea any day, if it means I get to me a mommy.

And whats really interesting to me, when I wrote that post that I healed and excepted a lot of things in Cancun, I had no idea this was coming. It was almost as if Heavenly Father was waiting for me to except whatever He had in store for me. Some days, I still can't believe it. But I know this is truly a blessing. 5 years after I got a taste of motherhood with my first pregnancy, I finally get to have a baby of my own.


Our baby at 13 weeks

My last post was about Color Free and once again, I'm going to be the proud wife. Sean and his group did AMAZING at their show at the Key Club!!! I was SHOCKED!!! I've seen them perform at little things, but never like that. It was as if Sean was a different person. Which he is...he's iLLi on stage. I was so proud! Well, Color Free has 2 more shows coming up. One on June 13th at the Zanzibar in Hollywood. I will not be able to attend that one. Their next show is June 18th at the House of Blues in Hollywood and that show is FREE!!! Yes I said FREE!!! So, you all better be there!! Can' beat a free show!! Come see how amazing Sean is on stage!



And here is my hot rapper husband iLLi (aka Sean)

Lets Rock Out Tonight!

Sean's group, Color Free is having their first BIG performance tonight. They have performed but not at this level. They are playing at The Key Club tonight in Hollywood. They are opening for Grammy nominated R&B singer Jon B. I'm SOOO proud of him and his fellow group members. They have worked so hard to get where they are at. And we have both sacrificed a lot of time away from each other so he could pursue this dream. So good luck Color Free......and lets rock out tonight!!

Happy Mothers Day!

Happy Mothers Day to my own beautiful mother. When I was a little girl, like 3 maybe? My mom would ask me who my best friend was, and I would say, "My mommy". She is still my best friend. We had a rough patch in high school, but what mother/daughter duo doesn't? When I had an unplanned pregnancy, instead of yelling at me, my mother was full of compassion and support. We have only grown closer and I am so grateful for the many lessons she has taught me.

Happy Mothers Day to my mother in law Pam! She raised an amazing son, who turned into a wonderful husband. She taught Sean to always respect and love women, and Sean is such a gentleman. She has welcomed me into the family with open arms and I love her dearly.

Happy Mothers Day to my birth mom Emily! Emily is a birth mom and a mother to my biological half brother James. She gave the ultimate sacrifice for me. We have a wonderful relationship now and I'm so grateful that she is a part of me life. Love you Emily!

And last but not least, Happy Mothers Day to my births sons mom, Mrs S. Mrs S is truly amazing. She is so thoughtful of me and is everything I wanted in a mother for my little guy. She is a great example to me and I truly feel as though we are eternally connected.

I hope all the other mommies and mommies to be have a beautiful day. And to the women that have not had the chance to be a mommy yet, you are a great influence in the lives of everyone around you and you too are a wonderful woman!

Happy Birth Mothers Day!

This post is going to sound like i'm tooting my own horn, but hey, once a year, I feel I have the right to do that.

Today is birth mothers day. It falls the Saturday before mothers day every year. I think it's quite appropriate that it's the day before mothers day. Because we were the first mothers of our birth children and because of us, our birth childrens mothers get a mothers day.

As my birth son gets older, the decision I made for him because more right every day. When I get pictures of this little boy, all I see is love and happiness. Of course I could have given him love and happiness...but I could not give him an eternal family....or a father....or a stable life. I remember when I was pregnant, when I was still planning on parenting him, I had this strong feeling that he was incredibly special and came to this earth to achieve wonderful things. Of course he could have reached his potential with me raising him, but why take that chance. He COULD reach his potential with me parenting. I wanted...he WILL reach his potential. And I know he will with his family.

Heres where I begin to toot my own horn.....there is a gospel song...it's called "Everything to Me" by Mark Schultz. He is an adoptee who wrote a song about his birth mother. In the song, he talks about how his birth mother gave him everything. I like to feel thats what my birth mother did for me and what I did for my birth son. Everything I have in my life, is because of what Emily did for me. Everything my birth son has, is because the decision I made for him. That gives me great joy.

Birth moms are special. So if you know one, celebrate her. She deserves it!! If you are a fellow birth mom...celebrate yourself.

Here is the "Everything to Me" music video.
This first video is the story behind the song.



This is the actual song. Beautiful

Sneak Peak

I have finally taken the time to take a picture of out cute little house!! It is far from done, but is looking so adorable! Our home was built in 1994 and is just under 1200 sq ft. Small, but perfect for us. 3 bedrooms 2 baths. All new tile and wood floors in the bedrooms. We are on a 7000 sq ft lot with a patio. It's looking pretty good, but we still haven't completely unpacked!! With our classes, work, and Sean's music group starting to perform, we have been pretty busy. So, here is a sneak peak of the outside. Inside pictures....to be continued...

Something is in the water!!!

And apparently I'm not drinking it, because I know at least 13 people that are pregnant right now! What?? That is insane. Normally, like 2 months ago, I probably would have cried. Not that I don't want that person to be happy but because I wanted that too. Anyone who has ever miscarried, got their period when they were "trying" or suffered with infertility understands. BUT.....i'm different now. I'm sure I'll still have the occasional melt down, but I can tell my soul is different. After messaging my good friend Rachel after my last miscarriage, she brought up the fact that I must have a very special spirit that is waiting to come to this family. And in Cancun, as I sat and pondered this, I really feel this to be true. We have a special spirit that needs to come down at a specific time.

In conference on Easter Sunday, their was a speaker (I can't remember who said it), that said, God does fulfill his promises, but in HIS time and HIS way. Man, that is a hard lesson to learn. But that's why faith is so important. And that's why I love this quote so much;

"Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come."

~Joseph F. Smith

I can tell you one thing. We are learning patience in the Kilpatrick household. And we know for a fact, when we are blessed with that special spirit, that special spirit will be EXTREMELY loved.

Cancun

Sean and I have been back from Cancun for over a week. We have been crazy busy and I haven't had time to post anything. Cancun was amazing. There is something so healing about the beach. It's healing physically, emotionally and spiritually. I had bronchitis the whole time we were there. I mean, I was on the verge of pneumonia! But with a blessing and getting to relax and breath in the ocean air, I did surprisingly well. This was probably the best vacation we have ever taken because we did nothing but relax all day long. Spiritually, I regained my faith in certain things. The beach really healed my soul. I got a chance to REALLY think about certain things. And emotionally, I really began to heal from past tragedies. Sean and I grew closer and our friendship deeper. He truly is an amazing man that I am blessed to call my husband. This was the smoothest trip we have ever had as well. Even with a 2:40 am flight! We flew through customs there and back. Everything went perfect....well besides my bronchitis! It was almost as if Heavenly Father was giving us some extra blessings to make our trip more enjoyable. Here are some of my favorite pictures. Enjoy!



Beautiful Resort!

Me & momma

Sean kindly leading me out into the water


The resort had a croc habitat! It's against the law to kill them, so they just cage them off.

Dancing at a really yummy restaurant.



The pools were amazing! And open 24 hours!






LOVE white sand beaches!





Beautiful pier
Beautiful greenery.

I found a swing!!!!


And I found a funny Mayan statue to mess with!

My throne!

Couches on the beach!

Waiting for our shuttle back to the airport. Ready to face reality again.

Someday

Someday.....
I will finally have all the boxes unpacked in our house.
Someday.....
Our new home will be perfect.
Someday.....
I will finally be finished with school.
Someday.....
I will lose these 10 extra pounds that seem to love my body WAY too much.
Someday.....
I will be a mother.
But as for today.....
We are going to Cancun(technically not till tomorrow though, because our flight is at 2:40 am! yuck. But we are leaving for the airport tonight). People think we are crazy for traveling so much and I have even had a few "not so nice" remarks. But until certain things change in our lives, we are going to continue to travel. And for all the envious people out there, just remember, you may have something I'm envious of too. So..that being said. ADIOS!

I won! But can I love it??

Me and 2010 are having a love/hate relationship. I'm an emotional wreck at times and other times I can't stop the over whelming feeling that I'm so blessed. In 3 short months of 2010, I have experienced good and bad on both ends. But, despite our recent loss, the blessings keep pouring in.
I am an avid reader of the r house. If you haven't been to mrs. r's blog, you must! She is an adoption advocate and has the 2 most adorable little boys. I don't know mrs. r personally, but I have cried and laughed right along with her as she experienced the ups and downs of adoption. . Mrs. r and some friends make beautiful adoption jewelry. I have wanted one of her necklaces so bad, but funds were tight with the whole house going through. She posted a giveaway for one of her necklaces.She told of how her family motto for 2009 was "come what may". That's difficult in itself. Can I really just accept everything that is coming my way? Her new motto for 2010 is "come what may and love it". That's even harder. Accepting is one thing, but loving it? I don't know.
So, in her giveaway, she asked what part people were at in their lives. The "come what may" or the "come what may and love it". I entered that I was just in the "come what may." Well.....I WON!!! I don't hardly ever win anything. I am so excited. Mrs. r is going to send me this beautiful necklace.
And when I'm ready to love it, she will send me this one.


Thank you again mrs. r for truly making my week. I have accepted my situation. I have grieved the loss of 3 babies.(yes one is still very well alive and breathing, but I still grieved) But I do not love my situation. I'm hoping this necklace can give me some kind of super power. Super power to fight off tears when I see a pregnant lady or a baby. Fight off the negativeness that sometimes creeps in. This necklace is another blessing in my life. It may seem nonchalant to the rest of the world, but to me, it's special and I will forever treasure it. And I hope one day, I can learn to love it.