Friday, March 5, 2010

I won! But can I love it??

Me and 2010 are having a love/hate relationship. I'm an emotional wreck at times and other times I can't stop the over whelming feeling that I'm so blessed. In 3 short months of 2010, I have experienced good and bad on both ends. But, despite our recent loss, the blessings keep pouring in.
I am an avid reader of the r house. If you haven't been to mrs. r's blog, you must! She is an adoption advocate and has the 2 most adorable little boys. I don't know mrs. r personally, but I have cried and laughed right along with her as she experienced the ups and downs of adoption. . Mrs. r and some friends make beautiful adoption jewelry. I have wanted one of her necklaces so bad, but funds were tight with the whole house going through. She posted a giveaway for one of her necklaces.She told of how her family motto for 2009 was "come what may". That's difficult in itself. Can I really just accept everything that is coming my way? Her new motto for 2010 is "come what may and love it". That's even harder. Accepting is one thing, but loving it? I don't know.
So, in her giveaway, she asked what part people were at in their lives. The "come what may" or the "come what may and love it". I entered that I was just in the "come what may." Well.....I WON!!! I don't hardly ever win anything. I am so excited. Mrs. r is going to send me this beautiful necklace.

And when I'm ready to love it, she will send me this one.

Thank you again mrs. r for truly making my week. I have accepted my situation. I have grieved the loss of 3 babies.(yes one is still very well alive and breathing, but I still grieved) But I do not love my situation. I'm hoping this necklace can give me some kind of super power. Super power to fight off tears when I see a pregnant lady or a baby. Fight off the negativeness that sometimes creeps in. This necklace is another blessing in my life. It may seem nonchalant to the rest of the world, but to me, it's special and I will forever treasure it. And I hope one day, I can learn to love it.


Tara Barros said...

That is wonderful! I love that necklace!

Carlykins said...

So I came over from the r house blog. I've spent the last hour reading your blog. It's amazing how you may have never met someone but being a birth mom, you can feel instantly connected. Our stories are different, however your posts on adoption resignated so deep wi thin me. I'm a single mom to my daughter who just turned 9 and a birth mom to my second daughter who was born August 21,2007 & placed on September 5,2007. It definitely gets easier with time, but I too ache for "my baby " who I held for two weeks. It does hit out of the middle of nowhere. Even though Christ knew He was going to d ie for us, it didn't make it any less painful; likewise with placing a child, I know it would have been self sabotaging to have raise d two on my own especially wit h the confirmation given to place her, but in no way does it make it less painful; there's no ra m in the thicket when placing a child. Adoption is an amazing journey that has taught me more about love and the atonement. I've been going through a custody battle for almost two years, my testimony of adoption is even stronger. I love the relationship you have with your birth mom. I have an open adoption as well, never hurts to be loved by more people or to love more people.
Thank you again for sharing your journey. I hope someday to fall in love and to be loved like you and your husband.
My blog is private because of the case ,plus I haven't posted since August of last year. :)


Derek & Naomi said...

You are an amazing woman! I know I could not do what you have done. You are an example of faith to me, thank you for your strength and for sharing such personal and beautiful experiences because it gives a story of hope to all of us.
Thank you for allowing me to add you to my list and thank you for the cd! It's awesome!!

Jackie said...

Beautiful necklace Sierra! I'm sorry you have been going through such a hard time. Your attidude and honesty is inspiring!

Jake & Rachel said...

I LOVE the r house! I keep hinting to Jake about a certain necklace. I love that phrase, come what may and love it, I've been trying to adopt that attitude in my own life.