Dear Daddy.....

Dear Daddy,
I may only be 6 months old, but I can already feel how much you love me......

That was the start to Brielle's fathers day card to Sean. Let just say the rest made Sean cry. Brielle and I also made Sean a DVD, which showed her first 6 months of life with her daddy, which also made him cry.

I am so grateful for my wonderful husband. He turned out to be the BEST father. I think growing up with a single mom somehow made him more appreciative towards women, motherhood and helping out. He truly is amazing. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father put us on the same path so that we could meet. And I'm so grateful that Brielle chose him as her daddy.....she's one lucky girl!!

This is how Brielle spent her 1/2 birthday this last Saturday! Poor thing! She was so tired! We went to a birthday party and I really thought she was going to have a melt down because she had not taken a nap. But she just feel asleep in daddy's arms...sitting up (she loves her daddy)!

Brielle had her 6 month check up today.

Brielle's 6 month stats
weight: 17 lbs 6 oz (75%)
height: 26 1/4 in (75%)
head: 17 (60%)
She is one healthy girl!

Brielle's 6 month milestones;
* She now can sit up. Before, it was only a few minutes and now she can go about 10 minutes.
* She has her 2 bottom teeth! I really had no idea her teeth were coming in (besides the drool). She was acting perfectly fine and happy. A few nights, she wwould whimper and cry in her sleep but I just thought it could be a growth spurt or a bad dream. Well, one day I stuck my finger in her mouth for her to chomp on and there it was! And just a few days ago, Sean discovered the other one. She has been such a trooper! I was not expecting such a pleasant teething experience.
* She still LOVES to growl! How did she learn this?? I have no clue.
* She loves to smile with her whole body. (You know....kinda seizure like)
* She has not started solids yet. I talked to the doctor and I'm going to wait just a little while longer.
* She loves to pull things over her face! Pillows, blankets, toys....whatever she can grab that will go over her face. Of course I don't let the object stay there. It's just funny that she enjoys this.
* We have the loud baby!! Not the "unhappy" loud baby, but the "I'm so happy I just gotta squeal" loud, or the "I just learned I can make this sound" loud. Its so funny!! Sean and I were talking through home depot last week and Brielle was just singing and talking away....REALLY loudly! People kept staring at us and Sean and I were just laughing!
* Brielle loves loves LOVES her daddy. The are a match made in heaven.

Sean and I are really enjoying being parents. We can not believe that these last 6 months have flown by so quickly. I hope the next 6 don't go by as fast.

Mom vs Birth Mom

I have not yet been asked the question, "is being a birth mom different then being a mom?" I'm actually quite surprised. Maybe people think I don't want to talk about the adoption anymore (not true!). Or maybe people really just have not thought about it. But I have.

So, what is the difference you may ask? Well, there is the obvious. Mom = raising a baby. Birth mom = no baby. But there is so much more to it then that.

When Brielle was first born, I was happy! But I had this extremely strange feeling that over took me in the hours after she was born. I'm sure it had a lot to do with exhaustion and hormones but I know that it was more then that. I watched Sean as he talked and loved on our new baby. What was wrong with me? I didn't really want to express this strange feeling with Sean because he was so happy!

As the day turned to night and Sean finally fell asleep in a little bed next to me. I began to stare at this little girl and ask myself, "why am I feeling this way?" As I had these thoughts, a little baby's face came into my mind. It was a little boy instead of a little girl. It was C. The last time I had been at the hospital to have a baby, it was not a joyful experience. As I'm laying there holding Brielle, with C's face in my mind, I began to weep. They were tears of sadness.

I missed C. I missed the newborn baby that I had held at the same hospital 4 1/2 years earlier. I missed his baby smell and baby sounds. I missed him.

As the tears slowed, something began to happen. The strange feeling started to go away. I looked at Brielle and my heart began to swell! I realized then why I was so hesitant at first. I was afraid I was going to replace C with Brielle. There is no replacement for C. I think any mother who loses a child feels the same. You can not replace one child with another. I had to figure that out and sort out my feelings. Brielle and C both have my heart, but separate parts. All my children will have their own parts.


So here I am, trying to find my place as a mother and birth mother. Two different titles. Two entirely different roles. At times its tough. I don't ever want to forget about C. But I also want Brielle to always know how special she is to me. And though I'm sure at times, both roles will be very difficult, I know that Heavenly Father will be there to get me through those tough times.

While both being a mom and a birth mom are both entirely different, they are two roles that I will take on with full force and love. I LOVE the fact that I am Brielle's mommy. I love that I get to cuddle her and nurture her and watch her grow. I also LOVE that I'm C's birth mommy. I love that I gave him life. I love that I gave him a family. I love that even though it was hard, I put his needs above my wants. I love that I get to watch him grow and be nurtured through pictures and letters that his parents send me. I love what I have learned in being both a birth mom and a mom. I love that being a birth mom has made me a better mom.

Heavenly Father has truly blessed me. He has blessed me so much in both of my roles. And in order to repay my Father in Heaven, I will continue to try and be the best mom AND birth mom. Because in the end, there really is no competition between the two.

I'm such a bad blogger

I've been so bad at blogging lately. Really it's because when I get home from work, I just want to spend all my time with Brielle and blogger is the last thing on my mind. (If it wasn't for the internet on my phone, I probably wouldn't be on facebook either.)

Life has been extrememly caotic! (but when is it not!)

Brielle is 5 1/2, almost 6 months!! Here are some interesting facts about her in her 5 month!

* She is a tumbleweed!! She roles all over the place!
* Tummy time is getting better! She doesn't despise it as much, but still does sometimes.
* She loves to go out and about and she ESPECIALLY loves when she's in her stroller facing the world. She likes to look at everything.
* She is a grabber! She grabs everything! And most times, whatever she grabs makes it to her mouth.
* She is really becoming a momma's girl(which i love). She is really good and will go to anyone, but if she is tired, she only wants me! =)
* She is still nursing great! I planned to nurse her a year but I think i'm going to try 18-24 monts! Better for her anyways!
* She loves getting her ears cleaned! She'll be all wiggly but the second I start cleaning her ears, she gets calm.
* She is a spaz!! She will go super hyper and giggly! It is so funny to watch!
* We think her teeth may be starting to come in because she is chomping pretty hard on our hands but we haven't seen any teeth yet.
* She still has TEENY TINY feet! I could probably still squeeze her in newborn shoes, but I don't and she still wears size 1.
* She has the biggest thighs ever! I just want to eat them!!
* She is learning to make some pretty funny noises!
* She is a screamer! A happy screamer! Its pretty funny when she does it in church.
* Her hair is gettng a teeny tiny bit longer....but I really only think I can tell.

About a month back, we had family pictures taken. Sean and I took them with the great camera he got me last year. It was the first time my family had been together in 2 years! It was so great to see everyone! Here are some pictures of that and of my sweet daughter! Isn't she a beauty!!