Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Still, 3 years later....

Still, after 3 years, I find myself mourning my birth son. It is the strangest thing(and not that strange at the same time). I have had answered prayers that he is where he is suppose to be, but sometimes, out of the middle of no where, I will begin to cry about it again. Tonight is one of those nights. I heard some news, which made me think of him. Then the tears. I think of him all the time, and no tears flow, but not tonight. Tonight I needed to mourn him again. I do realize this is still a part of the healing process. I think I will be healing my entire life. It is something you never get over, but it does get easier. It is just very strange when it comes on so suddenly. People probably think I'm crazy. 'How can she be so sure about her decision, yet cry about it?'(no on has ever said this to me, but I'm sure someone has thought it). Well, YOU carry a baby for nine months and place them in someone else's arms and see how quick you get over it.(sorry for the harshness, but this does need to be said to some people)

It may be the right choice, but it is not the easy one.

Honestly, I feel better now.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Faith Hope & Love

Faith "The Apostle Paul taught that "faith is the substance [assurance] of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). Alma made a similar statement: "If ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true" (Alma 32:21). Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever we work toward a worthy goal, we exercise faith. We show our hope for something that we cannot yet see." lds.org
Hope "Hope is the confident expectation of and longing for the promised blessings of righteousness. The scriptures often speak of hope as anticipation of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ." lds.org

Faith and hope are two things that I have alway felt strong in. Lately, I sometimes have felt a lack of faith and hope. Could this just be the adversary trying to discourage me? Of course. So, I turned to our Father in Heaven and asked him to give me faith and hope. The funny thing is, usually God will give us these things, but not in the way we think.

If you ask for strength, He will give you a situation to make you stronger.

If you ask for courage, He will give you a situation that will make you more courageous.

If you ask for faith and hope, He will try your faith, in an effort to make you be more faithful.

So, despite personal struggles I have had lately, I have faith. I have hope that Heavenly Father will grant me the righteous desires of my heart. God is teaching me how to have faith in him. And though it is not the easiest lesson, I know that it is worth it. So, have faith, hope and love in Heavenly Father and in His Son Jesus Christ. They are listening. And sometimes the anwsers are not we what expect or what we want, they are what we need. God knows us better then we know ourselves, and I have faith in Him that He knows whats best for me.