Still, after 3 years, I find myself mourning my birth son. It is the strangest thing(and not that strange at the same time). I have had answered prayers that he is where he is suppose to be, but sometimes, out of the middle of no where, I will begin to cry about it again. Tonight is one of those nights. I heard some news, which made me think of him. Then the tears. I think of him all the time, and no tears flow, but not tonight. Tonight I needed to mourn him again. I do realize this is still a part of the healing process. I think I will be healing my entire life. It is something you never get over, but it does get easier. It is just very strange when it comes on so suddenly. People probably think I'm crazy. 'How can she be so sure about her decision, yet cry about it?'(no on has ever said this to me, but I'm sure someone has thought it). Well, YOU carry a baby for nine months and place them in someone else's arms and see how quick you get over it.(sorry for the harshness, but this does need to be said to some people)
It may be the right choice, but it is not the easy one.
Honestly, I feel better now.